Machete: The Greatest Multi-Purpose Garden Tool Ever

Nothing is better for relieving tension after a long, difficult day than an hour with a Machete. You might do spinning classes, pedal a bike 10 miles, or run a 5K, but I work out with my trusty machete. Raising the machete far overhead, feeling the pull in my shoulder, back, and arm muscles, I bring the Machete down at full velocity, it’s sharp blade smashing into and laying waste to…

Yard waste for compost, of course.

When I started gardening, I bought the requisite shovels, rakes, spades, cultivators, etc. Owning a machete never crossed my mind – I figured they were the domain of jungle explorers and movie villains – until a few years later when I grew lots of 7 foot tall sunflowers and started making my own compost.

A garden Machete is great for chopping down thick plants without disturbing small plants at soil level

Have you ever tried to extract a fully mature, 7-foot-plus sunflower from the garden without disturbing the dahlias and zinnias growing four inches from it? Sure, you could always leave the sunflower in place through winter and let the weather take care of business. But there are times when you want to open up the struggling flowers at its base to more light and water after the sunflower has seen its best days. I tried using Loppers, which worked okay for cutting down the sunflower, but they were useless for chopping the soft yard waste into small pieces to encourage faster decomposition (like sometime this season). And Lopping the sunflower and woody debris into small enough pieces for the compost took forever.

A garden machete is stellar for chopping yard waste into small pieces for the compost pile

Go ahead, just try and cut piles of spent Iris foliage with a Lopper. You’ll bend the leaves plenty, but good luck slicing through them. A mulcher might take care of all of it, but me, being the world’s biggest cheap-ass gardener, refuses to spend $1K on a giant machine that basically does what one man with an arm and a machete can similarly accomplish. Yes, the mulcher makes finer work of the yard waste, but I’d rather hear the smack of a machete blade against wood than the roar of a motor. I also enjoy the physical effort. And it all rots eventually, anyway.

What is a Machete designed for?

The Machete was designed for chopping woody and soft brush – plants like sugar cane and tall grasses. In a remote village I spent time at in Honduras years ago, there was a Machete in every home, used as an everyday tool – to clear brush, chop vegetables, prepare the chicken, open a coconut, cut the pineapple. The Machete also was, according to the doctor at the medical clinic there, the most common cause of emergency wound care (be careful!).

Don’t cheap out – buy a quality machete for gardening

You probably won’t be able to find a Machete for gardening at your local big box store, at least I’ve never seen one at the stores in my area. The lawyers probably got involved and were afraid that someone might grab one off the rack and immediately use it in a non-gardening manner. However, no self-respecting farm supply store will be without one, as it’s an indispensable tool for agriculture. And of course, there are plenty of places to buy a Machete online.

I recommend that when buying a Machete for gardening, you don’t cheap out. They’re not that expensive, and a good one will last you your gardening career if you keep the blade clean and sharpen it every season or so. A cheap Machete will not stay sharp, which is hazardous, as you’ll do more smashing than cutting. A cheap Machete may also have a poorly designed, poorly balanced, or poorly affixed handle, and if that blade departs the handle on the downstroke, well, you better have fast reflexes, my friend. Or a helmet and chainmail.

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