If you tend to be stressed out and uptight as a host, we have some good news — it doesn’t need to be that way.
Old-fashioned entertaining etiquette demands perfection and precision from party hosts, but that doesn’t sound like a fun party. Hosts should be able to enjoy their parties along with their guests, so we give you permission to ignore these outdated rules.
These rules can apply to all kinds of parties, from intimate dinners to swinging soirees. You can still adhere to some of these rules and habits if you want, but we want to take some of the weight off hosts’ shoulders. Everything does not need to be perfect, so take a deep breath and let these rules retire.
Don’t Accept Help From Guests

In Victorian times, a host who accepted help from guests was a bad host. We don’t have to live by this. Hosting any kind of party is a ton of work, so it’s okay to accept a little help when it’s offered.
However, asking or expecting guests to help is not very polite. If they offer assistance, you can gratefully accept it, but don’t request it. It’s okay to let someone else stir the soup or fold the napkins if they don’t mind.
Send Physical Invites

We love paper invites because they’re rare nowadays and have an old-fashioned charm to them. If you want to send physical invites, by all means, go nuts. However, you don’t have to.
Paper invites can inconvenience guests, making RSVPs a little more work. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sending an e-vite, whether via a casual text or curated email.
Write Thank You Notes

There was a time when hosts and guests wrote one another thank you notes following any sort of party or gathering. While we appreciate the gesture, this sounds exhausting.
You don’t need to write out a fancy and formal thank you note when we can simply text one another with gratitude. Ideally, you should thank your guests as they leave, but you can also thank them the next day.
Guests Can Never Enter the Kitchen

This rule ties into the “no accepting help” one. According to this rule, guests shouldn’t enter the kitchen and “look behind the curtain,” as this ruins the effortless vibe hosts’ should try to create. We can throw this rule out the (kitchen) window.
Guests often want to chat with the host, who is likely still working on the food. As long as you’re okay with them being in there while you cook, it’s fine to let them hang out with you. However, don’t be afraid to make people clear out if it’s too crowded.
Design a Beautiful Tablescape

Don’t leave utility bills and the moisturizer you just bought on the dining table, but don’t go crazy crafting a tablescape, either. Don’t get us wrong; we love a beautiful tablescape, but it can be a lot to make happen.
If you struggle to make Martha-Stewart-level tablescapes, just keep things simple and don’t overthink it. You don’t need anything but the dinnerware. However, a small flower bouquet centerpiece or pretty tablecloth never hurt.
You Have To Dress To Impress

Hosts had to dress to the nines in the past, but you don’t need to be so formal anymore. For example, there’s no need to strut around your house in high heels if you’re having a casual dinner party.
We recommend finding a happy medium here so you don’t look frumpy and ready for a Law & Order: SVU marathon (we can do that after they all leave), but it’s also not like you’re about to meet the Queen. Wear something comfortable but polished, like a nice sweater, casual polo, or your favorite skirt.
Use a Special Fork and Plate for Every Course

Does anyone these days even know what fork is for the salad? Can I use this plate for my bread and appetizer? Plating etiquette and rules can be intense, so we recommend hosts ignore them completely.
When selecting your dinnerware, go with your gut and cater to your menu. If you think one plate and fork are sufficient, you don’t need to put anything else out. However, be mindful of what utensils and crockery guests might want for the food.
Give a Tour of the House

A tour of the host’s home used to be baked into the dinner party format, but this is lame. First, the host might be too busy greeting guests and prepping dinner to give full-blown tours. Second, your guests may already be familiar with your house.
Third, you might not want to show people the more intimate — and possibly messy — areas of your home. Whatever your reason, know that a tour is not a requirement. If you want to give a tour, that’s okay too.
Make a Seating Chart/Place Cards

Assigned seating can be helpful for huge sit-down parties, like a dinner party with more than ten guests. If only five of you are there, you don’t need to worry about a seating chart. The place cards can come off as rigid and stuffy, which should never be the vibe of your party.
If you’re particularly worried about who sits where you can guide people to certain seats and casually “assign” seats. However, odds are most of your guests are civil adults and can manage small talk with someone they might not know well.
Serve Multiple Courses

We love a dramatic five-course dinner; we won’t deny that. It’s not necessary, though. Serving an amuse bouche, hors d’oeuvres, appetizer, salad, soup, main course, and dessert is a marathon for a host, and there’s nothing wrong with a casual dinner.
We recommend having something for guests to snack on as they arrive; it could be as simple as chips and dip. Then, of course, you need a main course. A dessert can also be optional, or you can serve something easy like cookies. You’re not Gordon Ramsay, so don’t try to do anything out of your depth, as it might backfire.
Deep-Clean Your Entire House

Fighting this impulse is hard, and you can always sanitize your house if you want, but you don’t need to. Your guests didn’t come over to scrutinize the dust on your baseboards or point out that your rug needs vacuuming.
Don’t invite people to a pigsty, but the floor doesn’t need to be clean enough to eat off, either. Make sure everything looks tidy and pleasing, but no need to break out the carpet shampooer — the Swiffer should do just fine.
Make Everything From Scratch

Again, this is a rule we feel obligated to follow, but most people won’t fault their host for using a few pre-made things. Don’t serve microwave burritos, but shortcuts, like pre-made doughs, spice and herb blends, breadcrumbs, and desserts, are okay.
Find the balance between “Walmart made this dinner” and “I’ve been cooking for three days” by taking shortcuts with the appetizer and/or dessert and making an authentic main course. However, we won’t judge you for using mostly pre-made stuff. After all, you deserve to enjoy your party rather than imprison yourself in the kitchen.
Use All Your Fancy Dinnerware

If you always break out the fine china and wedding dinnerware for your guests, you’re putting extra stress on yourself. You have to haul the fancy dinnerware out of its storage, clean it, and then worry about something breaking throughout the party.
Unless you’ve been eating off kid’s plastic plates and paper plates, what you use daily is likely fine for your party guests. The less work you make for yourself, the smoother the party will go.
Personally Serve Every Drink

You might want to pop open a bottle of wine when the first people arrive or show off your cocktail skills. However, don’t feel like you need to be the one to pour and mix every single drink.
We recommend setting up a self-serve drink station so guests can refill their own beverages. This will help you relax, free up time, and give guests something to do. Make sure it’s convenient and accessible for them so you can hand over the drink-making reins.
Offer Conversation Topics

There are ample old-fashioned etiquette books that discuss how every host must facilitate conversation and offer guests interesting topics. We think this is silly, as you don’t need to baby your guests into social interaction.
Let the conversation flow naturally, and don’t burden yourself with whether or not people are getting along. We’re guessing you invited these people because you like them, so they’ll probably like each other. If you don’t like them, we’re sorry you have to host this party.
Open Gifts in Front of Everyone

Hosts are technically supposed to open any gifts they receive in front of the gift-giver during the party. Think of kids opening all their presents at Chuck-E-Cheese while everyone watches.
This one is up to you. We don’t think either option is rude; it simply depends on your preference and situation. If you feel awkward opening it in front of everyone, graciously say thank you and put it to the side.
Provide Entertainment

Parties are opportunities for people to socialize, so that should almost always be the main source of engagement and entertainment. Additional entertainment can be simply distracting or overbearing.
You don’t have to plan an elaborate murder mystery or create custom charade cards. No need to rent a photo booth or hire a string quartet. Some light music and everyone’s company should be enough entertainment.
Eat in the Dining Room

Yes, people usually eat in the dining room during a dinner party, but there are other places for people to eat or mingle. Host the party somewhere else if your dining room is too small, too large, messy, stuffy, or just not your favorite room.
Some options include your backyard, garden, living room, kitchen, or sunroom. As long as there is enough space for everyone and people can comfortably enjoy their drinks and food, it doesn’t matter which room you choose — maybe not the bathroom, though.
Clean Up Everything Right After Dinner

Some people expect hosts to clear everyone’s plates promptly after dinner and do the dishes while dessert is enjoyed. However, we don’t think they need to be so professional about the clean-up process.
First, doing dishes during the party is no fun and can even come off as rude if you abandon all your guests to clean up. You also deserve to bask in the deliciousness of your food and sit with a full belly for a moment. Guests can bring their own plates to the kitchen, or everyone can just chill for a little while. As mentioned, you can also accept help with cleaning up.
Serve Complex Food

A successful dinner party does not require a lamb crown roast and chocolate souffle. We mentioned that pre-made stuff is acceptable, but we suggest keeping the menu simple and easy for you from the start.
We can’t emphasize this enough: don’t make something you’ve never made before. Make something you’re familiar with and confident with. You don’t need to spend ten hours cooking and $500 on food to host a delightful dinner party.
Give a Thoughtfully Written Toast

You can always stand up and thank everyone for coming, but a toast should be optional unless it’s a special occasion. A casual dinner party doesn’t need a monologue on the power of friendship, and your guests probably don’t want that.
If you’re a toastmaster and want to give a little speech, that’s fine, but try to keep it short and sweet. Don’t hold your guests hostage in your speech. Keep it under two minutes. Remember, Shakespeare said brevity is the soul of wit.
Greet Every Guest at the Door

Most hosts want to greet their guests at the door regardless, but it’s not the end of the world if someone else answers the door. If you’re super busy in the kitchen, we suggest tasking someone else with opening the door and guiding people to you.
Even better, we suggest leaving the door open if that’s possible. This will depend on your home’s layout and neighborhood, but the open-door vibe can be inviting and lovely. Ultimately, we don’t want you to beat yourself up if you don’t greet every guest within two seconds.
Make Everything Perfect

This is a good rule of thumb for life: you don’t need to say sorry for and panic over every little thing. Some hosts have this guilt complex where they feel like their guests must be having a terrible time if everything isn’t perfect. They compensate with an avalanche of apologies and stay in an endless state of stress.
Instead of profusely apologizing for running out of lime wedges and sweating through your shirt because your playlist paused, stay relaxed and adopt an “oh, well” attitude. When the host is stressed out, guests feel stressed, so stay cool as a cucumber and have fun.
Not even Martha Stewart can throw a perfect party every time.